As working moms, a lot of people rely on us: our kids, our families, our bosses, colleagues, clients, friends, communities. And that can be really lovely to know that so many people need us. And at the same time, it can be extremely stressful. To be able to really manage that stress well is one of the keys to being successful and feeling fulfilled as a working mom. And so that's why today, we're going to go over five stress relief techniques that have worked for me and I am hopeful will work for you as well. Take what works and what doesn't, don't worry about it. But, I encourage you to listen to this episode, watch this episode with an open mind. And let's see if something really clicks for you.
Hi, there. I'm Sarah Korenblit, founder of The Thriving Working Mom. I'm a social worker and mother of four little ones. My goal is to be able to teach and inspire working moms to recognize that even with the stress or chaos or busyness going on, they can still find joy, peace and fulfillment.
I created worksheets and a resource list to go hand in hand with this episode. To download them, check out the link in the episode description or head over to thethrivingworkingmom.com/2.
In Episode One, we spoke about creating a scale to understand your stress. Now, we're going to walk through some techniques that can really make a difference. And like I said, these are techniques that work for me and so I'm not going to be recommending something from a theoretical textbook. This is something I have seen in my busy life to truly actually work. One of the worksheets that go hand-in-hand with this episode is stress relief toolbox. Print it out and with each technique that resonates for you write it down. And anything that you already do that helps with your stress, put it in there. Let's have a toolbox that's as robust as possible.
So the first technique we're going to talk about is the release technique. As working moms, we accumulate stress throughout the day, we go from activity to activity, and we just bring along the stress right with us. Getting our kids out the door to school, that gives a stress. And then we go into work with that stress. And then we leave work with the stress of the morning and the stress of work and go into the stress of the evening routine. So, in order to make sure that we are not carrying and accumulating this stress, we're going to go through how to do this release technique. I want to give full credit to Brendon Burchard for this technique. I learned about it a few months ago, while I was listening to High Performance Habits and I am amazed at how versatile it is and how often it works for me.
In order to do the release technique, after you do any kind of activity or are engaged in something for work, engaged in something for your kids, take a pause, close your eyes and as you breathe in and out just think the word "release." It's magical. I'll give you some examples of how I use it. After a long day of work, when I'm waiting in my car on the carpool line to pick my kids up from school, I will close my eyes - don't worry not while I'm driving, while I'm waiting - and I will think as I breathe: release, release. And imagine that I'm just releasing any of the tension or stress that may have accumulated in my body over the course of the day. And it's not going to get rid of every single piece of stress. But it could make a huge difference. And then, when my kids get in the car, I'm already in a different space. I'm not like in this continued stressful state of mind. Another way I use it is when I wake up in the morning and it's early in the morning and I know that I have to get everyone out the door and everyone in their various states of quickness or slowness in how they get ready lying there in my bed even though like sleeping isn't stressful. It's really a transition between the calm and the stress of starting the day. And I breathe and I just think 'release.'
And a bonus part of this technique is setting an intention for the upcoming activity. For example, waiting for my kids to get in the car I will do the release technique and think 'When my kids get in the car, I want to be a joy and present mother.' Or when I'm in my bed about to do the morning routine, I want to be calm and roll with the punches of whatever this morning brings us. And so, you don't have to do that but it's really, really cool to be intentional about the different steps in your day.
Alright, let's move on to the next technique. This one, grounding and mindfulness, is something you're going to hear me talk about a lot. Mindfulness is one of the things that have been such an integral part of my life for the past six years, I would say. And so I am a true believer. Often, we float through the day, and we're not even in touch with our own bodies, or our surroundings. It's weird, if you think about it.
Right now, right this minute, where is your body? Are you sitting in a chair? Are you walking? Are you driving? Feel the point of contact, wherever your weight is. So, if you're standing, then the weight will be on your feet, you're gonna feel the weight of your body, touching the ground. If you're sitting, you'll feel the chair under you, you'll feel that back of the chair behind your back. And just kind of locate yourself in space. And then start taking in the other senses. We already started talking about the tactile [sense]. But if there's any breeze blowing on you heat, whatever the temperature you're experiencing, notice that. And look around you. Notice where you are. Right now, I'm in my office, and I'm looking around and just noticing the big beautiful windows that let the sunlight in, looking at the desk and the chairs. And just like, remember where you are, it sounds, it can sound weird. But sometimes we're not even really remembering or noticing where we are.
If you're smelling anything, if you're tasting anything, notice that. Then the auditory side: what do you hear? Often, there are multiple sounds that are layered on top of each other. And so right now, I hear the sound of cars driving by. And I really just then hear the sound of my own voice talking. That's what I'm hearing right now. But what mindfulness does, and what becoming more grounded and focused on where you are in the present moment. It takes us out of our heads and into the moment. In our minds, so often, we're focused on past regrets, or the future - future anxieties, future stresses. And when we remember: right now, this is where I am, it can be extremely helpful at lowering our stress levels.
Alright, let's move on to technique number three. This technique is called "write it down." Feeling overwhelmed can often be like this gray cloud above our heads. And when there's that cloud, we don't know what to do about it. Because it's like this mix of stress and responsibilities and things that need to get done. And it's just following us. And sometimes, the best way to tackle that cloud and lessen its grip on us is to capture it on paper Part of the worksheets that I have included for this episode, there is a "write it down" worksheet. But honestly, you can write it down anywhere. If you have a planner, write down there. If you have a note on your phone, you can just write it there.
What you're going to do is take the thoughts out of your head and put them on paper. So you say: 'I feel so overwhelmed.' Okay, what do you feel overwhelmed about? Write it down. This is what I do when I feel just like there's a wave of 'Oh, my goodness, there is so much to do.' I don't know how I'm going to do it. I don't know what to do first. Just really overwhelmed. I'm sure if you're working mom, you've experienced that before too. For me, if I would think: 'right now what am I overwhelmed about?'
I would write down that I have a bunch of different people I need to reach out to for my kids - for different appointments, different therapies. I have a bunch of work stuff I need to catch up on. I have people who have emailed me or texted me that I didn't respond to. And these are different pieces that are part of my cloud. Writing it down and separating it out just makes it more manageable. That cloud is just unreachable, but each of these individual things are doable.
Alright, technique number four: Go Outside. We're often in the same environment for a long period of time, especially if you work from home, you could be in your house or apartment all day long. Being in the same space can be very stifling and really allow us to sit in a stressful feeling. I don't know about you, but I even do my grocery shopping through an app, it gets delivered. So I could find a way to stay home for a long time.
Take a moment and go outside, there is something inherently healing and soothing about nature, even if you live in the city and the nature that you can find is a tree planted on the sidewalk, and the sky above you, go outside. And notice them. Just look, look at the nature you see, look at some blades of grass, notice the tree, notice the shapes of the clouds. Notice what color the sky is. If you're not able to go outside, go to a window and look outside, we need to switch up where we are, and sometimes put ourselves in an environment that can help ease the tension.
Alright, let's go to technique number five. And this is: The Mantra. Often, our stress, which as I said in beginning of this episode, can be caused by this accumulation of responsibilities that we have. But our stress is often egged on by an internal voice, who is putting us down and discouraging us. 'This is too much.' 'This is too overwhelming.' 'I can't do this.' 'What's wrong with me?' 'Everyone else is managing better.' 'I'm not a good employee.' 'I'm a bad mom.' These are very real messages that many, many moms tell themselves.
In order to be able to lessen our stress, it's important to learn how to talk back to that voice and say, 'Wait, you don't need to make me any more stressed out than I already am!' Coming up with a mantra that you can just tell yourself, respond to that voice and keep going is extremely important. It's also important that it's really personalized and meaningful to you. Looking up a mantra online is not going to be as meaningful as if you think about: 'What message do I want to hear?' So I'll tell you what mine is. When my inner voice says 'I can't do this,' and 'what's wrong with me,' - that's a big one. Like it's an automatic thought, 'What's wrong with me?' My response is, 'I am doing the best I can.' It's my mantra, it's been my mantra for a few years. And it just helps me feel more centered, settled, and it works for me. But find something that works for YOU. Maybe it's 'I am a loving mom,' maybe it's 'I'm a hard worker,' maybe you prefer to talk to yourself as "you" and it's, 'you can do this Sarah,' or whatever your name is.
Consider creating or writing down a mantra for yourself and put it somewhere that you'll see it. Maybe it's a post-it note that's gonna be right next to your computer for work, maybe it's going to be on the fridge, maybe you're going to make a graphic with these words and make it the background on your phone. Really practicing it will help it be more and more natural for you to think of in times of stress. So we just went through five techniques: 1) release 2) grounding and mindfulness 3) writing it down 4) going outside and 5) creating a mantra that works for you.
Connecting this back to episode one where we made a scale to really understand what your different levels of stress are. In that [toolbox] worksheet, write down which stress level range each technique will work for. For example, the grounding and mindfulness - maybe when you're between a three and a six of stress that will work for you. Or going outside is maybe an earlier level of stress or a later and higher level of stress. It's very, very personalized, and it's really about getting to know yourself better.
I hope that this was helpful! I always love hearing feedback from working moms. So, what worked? What didn't? What questions are you left with? Reach out, let me know. And make sure to tune in for Episode Three!
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
