It's no secret that working moms often feel pretty stressed out. It's pretty common that you see a working mom, "How are you doing?" "Overwhelmed, stressed." Right? So the question is, what do you do about that stress? And why is it that sometimes the stress relief techniques that you know of don't actually help in the moment? So, today, we're going to talk about a way to really measure stress and figure out where are you are on your own personal stress scale, in a way that's going to help you figure out A) how to intervene and help yourself and B) how to realize that chances are, you're not at a 10 out of 10 of stress, all day, every day. And that could actually help give you perspective.
Hi, there. I'm Sarah Korenblit, founder of The Thriving Working Mom, I'm a social worker and mother of four little ones. My goal is to be able to teach and inspire working moms to recognize that even with the stress or chaos or busyness going on, they can still find joy, peace and fulfillment.
Let's get into it. So the way I think about it with any emotion, or any feeling that we have, there's a continuum, right? It's not just like black or white. Oh, I am happy now. I'm sad now. It's not how it works, there's not just one way that any emotion looks. And so the easiest way to think about it is a scale, a scale from zero to 10. Zero, the emotion is not present, and 10, it's just the most extreme version of that emotion that you've ever had. And so today, we are going to work together and figure out what your personal stress scale looks like. And this is gonna make a huge difference to you. Self awareness is always great, but it's also going to help you figure out what to do at different stages of stress.
I created a personal stress scale template that goes hand in hand with what I'm going to speak about today. So to get it, head over to the show notes, or go to thethrivingworkingmom.com/1 to pick it up, print it out, and follow along to create your own stress scale.
Before we even figure out the interventions, how to help, and stress relief techniques, first, we need to think about: what does that stress look like? And so I'm going to use my own examples and how it looks when I am stressed out. And you can just write these things down next to each number.
For me, obviously zero: cool as a cucumber. And I need to put the zero on there because I need to see that yes, there are times I'm not stressed. So, super chilled.
A one or two for me: not really stressed, but kind of something is more in the thought zone. Like I'll think, 'Oh, I have a lot of things to do today.' Or, 'Wow, that's a lot.' It's more just a thought about how much I have going on, but not really anything too overwhelming.
So as I move up and get, you know, higher up on the stress scale, maybe the four the five, I'm starting to be irritable or snappy, which means that I feel this tension starting to build in my body. And if someone comes over to me, the way I react to them will probably have more to do with me than with them. And so kind of getting snappy at people that's usually my four or five.
Six or seven, I'm starting to even feel more overwhelmed. This is when I have multiple children asked me different things at the same time and one person, one kid is crying on the floor and the other one is complaining they don't like their food, and the other one is in the other room yelling for me. So that's like -- and maybe someone's even trying to call me on my phone or I'm getting a text. And like, for me that feeling of like being pulled in multiple directions is really six, seven, really building depending on the intensity there.
I hope that this is helping and giving you insight as to how you're choosing to make your scale. And definitely, by the way, after you listen or you watch this, please spend some time really thinking: what is it for you?
Alright, let's move move up my scale. So, feeling pulled in multiple directions. Now as I move up to the eight and the nine, like, it almost gets to that panic zone for me, where I'm like maybe repetitively thinking, 'Oh my gosh, I can't do this, oh my gosh, I can't do this.' It's like really so significantly intense.
And then 10 would be where that anxiety and that stress totally take over my body and I would have a full blown panic attack, which has happened a few times in my life and it's not pleasant. But to me, I really think like, that's like the ultimate manifestation of just extreme stress. That's my 10 out of 10 is when my whole body is hyperventilating and like panicking that it just feels like I cannot handle whatever's happening in that moment.
And so think about that. My one and two is thinking, 'Oh, I have a lot going on.' My 10 is a full blown panic attack. And yet, it's not really helpful if both of those are called just like stress. "Oh, yeah, I'm stressed today." That means that I'm thinking I have a lot to do. "Oh, yeah, I'm stressed today." That means I had a panic attack. So that's the black and white view. And the whole point of this is to start seeing stress as different levels. Because then you could realize you're not at the 10 out of 10. I am not having panic attacks all day long every day, thank goodness, right? Probably most days are more at that 1, 2, 3. And when we start seeing the variation in the stress level, then, first of all, we don't have to see ourselves as like maxed out in our stress all day. Second of all, which is the really important part that we're going to get to now is now we can figure out what to do about it. Because a visualization technique, helping thinking of something calm is not even going to help me in a 10 out of 10, because I'm not there, right. So when you try to apply something, that's totally a mismatch for the level of stress you're at, then it's not going to be successful.
So, I'll walk you through what I do at different levels of stress, but I really want you to think about what works for you. We're all so different, different things work. And, so, I want you to think about that.
So for me 1, 2, 3, thinking about how stressed I am in those situations, or how much I have going on, I'll use a kind of like thought-counter thought. So, "Oh, my gosh, I have too much to do," then I'll just think, 'Okay, I can do it.' Or I think, 'I'm going to prioritize this' or let me or I even take action, I sit down and I look at what I have to do and I categorize it or even worry right down next to each thing, how much time it will take me. Something to make it more manageable. So that's something that I do in the early, early levels of my stress scale.
Irritable or snappy, as I get higher up, that's when I know that I need to do some breathing. And for me, that works, where I close my eyes snd I think about just with each breath that I breathe in, I'm breathing and calm. And with each out breath, I imagine that I'm breathing out the tension, I'm breathing out the stress. And so in that stage, that helps me. And I'm with-it enough, present, focused enough to remember to do that - in that stage. So, when it starts escalating, and now I have a lot of people asking me to do things at once, assuming that -- let's say that scenario I gave you where my kids are all asking for things and I'm kind of almost like starting to freak out a little bit -- if no one's in danger, in those situations, I'm going to actually actively remove myself from the situation. Go to a room with no one else there. And there, I'm going to take a few minutes and just center myself and do a grounding exercise, do some mindfulness, do some breathing. But I know that if I try to do the breathing when I'm there in the room with everyone, it's not gonna work. It's like the source of input of what's making me feel stressed out is there and I need to remove myself from the situation. And then I can go back - probably not down to zero, cool as a cucumber, but definitely significantly better than it was before and more capable of handling whatever's going on.
Alright, so then when it starts getting more overwhelming, there's definitely even, you know, with panic attacks, everyone has such a different experience, but definitely more grounding and breathing. I mean, thank goodness, it's been so infrequent that I haven't even really needed to come up with some kind of like regular intervention for it. But for people who it is more frequent, or they have that 10 out of 10, it's really about what works for them. A lot of times grounding, often having another person who knows how to guide you through it can also be really helpful.
So look at that, look at your scale. And stop and think for a minute. What is the value of this scale, now that you have your own, or you're going to soon as this is finished? You are going to feel less out of control, you're going to feel less like "Oh my life is so stressful, oh it's so overwhelming." Like, as if it's just this constant state of stress. Let's look at those fluctuations. Let's appreciate the times that we're in the one, two and three. And maybe we can even start calling those days calmer days or less stressful days or just normal, right? But, like I said, the first step is: let's start getting to know ourselves and recognize: "Okay I feel stressed out, but right right now, I feel stressed out where am I at? I'm at a five or six right now." That's not true. I mean, I'm not. But in the example, you're feeling stressed, and you look at your number, right? And then you can figure out what to do. And you'll feel so much better knowing that you can guide yourself.
And if you don't have ideas for how to relieve that tension, relieve that stress at the different numbers, you can talk to someone that you trust and know and relate to and maybe see what works for them. You can look something up or you can stay tuned for a future episode where we are going to more closely walk through different stress-relief techniques.
And so, I hope that this was helpful, I would love to hear from you. If this was helpful, specifically how it's helpful. It's always wonderful for me to hear that.
Also, I have created a guide for working moms who are busy to learn how to reframe the way that they see self care so that it's doable and it takes a really short amount of time. I have ideas that take five minutes or less. And so, in the episode notes, you can check out that free self care guide, the link is right there. And, I'm hopeful that that can help you and you'll see for those kind of self care things, what number on the scale, where are those interventions helpful for you, right? And that's what it's all about. You are studying yourself like a science and you are getting to know yourself and your stress.
What I always say is that self awareness is the first step. It's the first step in your path, your journey towards change. And also there's something inherently helpful that beyond what you're going to do about that awareness, the awareness itself already begins to help you. And so wishing you the best and a great day and see you next time.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
